I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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