No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
