There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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