Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
