I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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