I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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