Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
