what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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