I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
