I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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