Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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