sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
