they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
