thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
wrigley field is MILF paradise
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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