i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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