Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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