Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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