i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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