Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
