bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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