how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
