I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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