Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
