none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
