4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
