and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
