did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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