..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
