My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
