so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
