Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
