True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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