even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
