my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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