Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
