We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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