Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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