Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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