thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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