True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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