I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
