yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
