mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
