Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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