you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
