Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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