CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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