Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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