I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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