Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You may now shotgun with the bride
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
