We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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