Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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