How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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