My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
